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Anti-twilight by killerninja123

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Submitted on
October 21, 2009
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179 (who?)
Reasons Twilight Sucks

1. Bella is a horny Mary-Sue Queen.

2. Apparently, having a guy glare at you all the time makes them attractive.

3. Vampires sparkle.

4. Twilight shows a seriously abusive relationship as "true love".

5. The weather in Forks is inaccurate.

6. New Moon in a nutshell: "Angst angst, emo, cry, jump off cliff, AAANNNGGSSSTTTT ANGST ANGST yay we're together again!"

7. The entire series is a sexual fantasy.

8. The grammar is very poor.

9. Twilight has basically no plot.

10. Twilight is 150% sexist.

11. The author never researched any of the "facts" she put in the books.

12. The author glamorizes mental disorders, suicide, and stalking.

13. Twilight teaches that disrespecting and abandoning your family is OKAY.

14.  The characters have very little background information.

15. Bella uses Jacob a LOT. Some friend she is.

16. Jacob sexually abuses Bella.  Some friend he is.

17. Bella love love looovvveeesss Edward's smooth, sparkling, marble stone, pale, sculpted body and his melted butterscotch, topaz, golden, godlike eyes.  And that's about it.  

18. Twilight teaches that teenage pregnancy and early marriage are OKAY.

19. The story is pretty much about a girl's choice between necrophilia or bestiality.

20. Apparently, dead guys can still produce living sperm.

21. Apparently, a teenage girl's belly can stretch and grow and produce a baby in ONE MONTH.

22. Edward gives another guy permission to have sex with his wife if he can convince her to have an abortion.

23. Bella getting physically injured from sex doesn't bother her at all.

24. They name their kid "Renesmee"

25. Jacob is a pedophile.

26. Edward is also a pedophile.  It's based on years, not on body.

27. Bella's only "flaw" (clumsy) is actually something that is meant to enhance her to seem cuter, therefore making her a bland and unrealistic character.

28. The "final battle" of the series involves nothing but standing and talking.

29. The story fails to follow the structure of the Literary Elements taught to most in Grade Schools.

30. Twilight fans have actually injured people who spread the word about Twilight sucking.
I know, this isn't exactly original but I had to vent because I have HAD IT.

Somebody needs to let parents know about this book.

If you're a fan, give me 30 reasons Twilight doesn't suck and make sure none of those reasons contradict these reasons that it sucks and do NOT even BREATHE about the characters being "hot".
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Rainbow-emo7 Featured By Owner May 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
We need more readers like you! Meyer has just ruin the whole vampire genre, Bram Stoker was turning in his grave when it was written
00Ice-Queen00 Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
#5-Not entirely true. I live in Oregon and it rains all. the. freaking. time. Well...only about 90% of the time.
#8-Painfully true. I've started correcting things.
Everything else hits the spot! Go Selene! 
theshipperoflove Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Twitards fans, you need real vampires. Go watch Van Helsing or something...
DoduDindon Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
5 Reasons Why Twilight Doesn't *Completely* Suck

1. Charlie isn't that bad of a character. Well, at the least he's a lot less annoying than all the others. Imagine if the story was about him. I can see it now... The chief of police of a small town figures out that a family of bloodthirsty, sparkly vampire-fairy hybrids is secretly killing off the townspeople. Unfortunately, due the absurdity of such a claim, no one else believes him. This sad turn of events costs him both his reputation and his badge... So, with his werewolf best friend, he has to go out and kill off the vampire menace to protect the people he loves and regain his honor. I think it would really improve the image of cops everywhere.

2. Rather than hate on all the cool vampires out there, such as Dracula and Selene and Nosferatu, all vampire hunters can focus on killing the REAL menaces to society. If vampires ever turn out to be real, I think Twilight will be something we can form a peace treaty over. In fact, it's really too bad the people in "30 Days of Night" didn't introduce Twilight to the vampires. "You know, sir, you could kill me, but why not this one lady who wrote this horrible book that insults your entire species? Even better, instead of killing us normal people, kill all the Twihards out there! That way we can live in peace and we'll both get something in return." Why kill each other when you have a common enemy, right? Even if the vampires don't agree to this, SURELY the fact that Twilight exists will get the vampire angry. While humanity may meet with its fabled end of days, at least we'd know we'd be taking Twilight with us.

3. The way Edward claims he and his family are *cough* "vegetarians". I'm going to quickly say here that I have nothing against vegetarians (considering I am a vegetarian). However, I'm not one for PETA. An offense this great is bound to get PETA all worked up sooner or later. And that will be fricking hilarious. I actually found an article on the huffington post not too long ago, "'Twilight' & PETA: Movie Under Fire For Animal Rights Violation". They were all mad about wolves being mistreated in the movie or something...but this adds another reason. While People Eating Tasty Animals, aka the most contradictory, hypocritical, disturbed, illogical organization out there that wants to save the tigers while simultaneously be against pit bulls, they are right about one thing: Twilight SUCKS and should be put down like...I dunno...a rabid dog?

4. It gives people something worthwhile to hate on.

5. Considering the stupidity and the obsessive impulses of the majority of hardcore Twilight fans makes me feel better about myself and how I've chosen to live my life.
Chakra-Celeste Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013
What really sucks about #16 is that it was out of character for Jacob at that point in time. It's like SMeyer realized after New Moon that many of her fans preferred Jacob over Edward as Bella's boyfriend. (i.e. many people were recognizing Edward as the abusive jerk he really was) Her response? To make Jacob act like a big jerk in Eclipse (no matter how out-of-character he was compared to earlier books) in order to make Edward look like the better boyfriend in comparison!

The same could also be said about Charlie's attitude toward said sexual abuse, at least in the books, but I digress.

Heck, even Jacob's pedophilia stinks of poorly-executed catering to Jacob fans, and was apparently just the after-effect of a cheap attempt to resolve every remaining conflict in the series. When you think about it, Renesmee herself was created simply for the purpose of smoothing over the last of any realistic unpleasantness in order to create a perfect happy ending with no effort whatsoever:
1) Her birth nearly kills Bella and thus forces Edward to turn her into a vampire, which he had previously refused to do.
2) Bella basically lets Rosalie and/or Jacob raise her (Renesmee) while Bella herself continues to bang Edward for eternity, thereby giving Rosalie the child she always wanted.
3) By having Jacob imprint on Renesmee, SMeyer makes a cheap attempt to keep the Jacob fans happy by pairing him off with someone. One COULD argue that she was, once again, trying to derail Jacob's character, but that's not likely considering that SMeyer had Quil imprint on a 3-year-old Claire prior to that. One could also argue that he could hook up with Leah, but since SMeyer apparently hates Leah enough to make her the designated bitch for no adequately-explained reason, I doubt SMeyer would've paired Leah off with anybody.
4) Jacob's imprinting on Renesmee also forces the shapeshifters/werewolves to leave Bella and the Cullens alone, because it's forbidden for them to harm another shifter/wolf's imprintee. On that note, it also ends the Edward/Jacob rivalry once and for all.
5) Renesmee herself, I might add, is born with an absurd degree of knowledge for an infant and practically raises herself, so Bella doesn't have to put any effort into raising her. (Feeding, diaper changing, schooling, etc.)
The list goes on and on, but I think I'll stop here for now...
Black-Cross-Inc Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Fuck it; if I want a decent vampire/romance novel I'll go back and re-read the Anne Rice novels.

Not to bash or anything - but Twilight blows.
Black-Cross-Inc Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Too true.
sonikkuruzu Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Bella was given a choice between physically abusive beastiality and emotionally abusive paedofilic necrophilia
AndytheB-Artist Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Hobbyist
I recently looked up a movie called Beautiful Creatures and its two hour run time and supernatural romance suggest we are living in the post-Twilight era. That's right, Twilight itself may be gone, but get ready for a legion of imitators.
00Ice-Queen00 Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful Creatures was better, IMO. 
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