I don't know who to look to for thoughts on this, because I think people just pity me when I try to explain this to them. Also, please excuse any horrible grammar... typing this as a stream of thought is the only way that I can get it out.
First off, some background info: I am nearsighted. Rather badly, actually. As a weird artist/thinker type...person... thing.... I spend entirely too much time being passionately obsessed about things (I sobbed like a newborn child when I watched the Planet Earth tv series for the first time), or I just pay attention to things that aren't really "normal" as far as I know. You know those "magic pictures" that you stare at and adjust your focus to see a 3D image? I see those without trying. They always immediately appear.
Since I was a child I have noticed something weird at night, and I haven't been able to shake it.
The bright, tiny pin-prick of light from the smoke-detector in my room was the first time I noticed it. Anything works though; the red pin-prick of light from a PlayStation, or the green light from a battery charging on the wall... The important thing it that is must be very tiny, but also very bright, and I must be about 7+ feet away. I'm in bed, it's dark, and my glasses are off. I stare at it; it's blurred for me obviously.... but it's not blurry.... it's fractured, and spiky. It looks like there are circles in it, and lines.... so I focus it, hard. My pupils are stressing out, but i've focused the light big; spread it out, and made it sharper. It's very hard to hold the focus, so I have to keep re-focusing.
It's.... veins. Tiny veins and strange little amoeba-like blobs that I see in any film about the human body. I see very tiny faded dots moving through the veins, and the walls and shapes all fluidly move a little; like they are alive. A strand of hair falls directly in front of my pupil... It's magnified!! Just like any microscope would show you, the outline is dark yet the inside is light with small, almost invisible lines....
I became obsessed with this discovery. I must have been about 14 when I first noticed it. I've always wanted to do paintings of what I see, but it's just too dark and I'm supposed to be asleep at that point, haha! I REALLY should draw it though.
Lately I've been exploring it more, and I've reached a point where I simply cannot un-see this. I had spent years staring at the tiny lights in my bedrooms.... I now turned my attention to the strange, noise-like atmosphere of the room in the dark.... again, it's not blurry... it's looks more like small speckles of noise, buzzing around.... And even when we close our eyes at night, it's there.... and all sorts of strange shapes and colors flow over the eyes; like when you look at a light for too long and then close your eyes and see the shape of that light as a strange, dark... and yet somehow bright, shape.
So, once again, I concentrated very hard. This time I wasn't focused on a light... i was focused on the dark, with whatever minimal lighting it has. I didn't focus on anything in the room. I focused on the air in front of me, and then harder until i could get the shapes of the static noise into focus.... It was like the pinprick of light.... just everywhere this time. Just soft little dots and little shapes, that seemed to pulse. I promise it's not those "floaters" you get on the top of your eyes; because when I focused on tiny lights, they would sometimes float casually into view of that small fractured area... magnified a lot more though, and then float out of view again.
I closed my eyes, as the strain began to hurt. Whenever one closes there eyes, it never just goes black. It's like... a bunch of shades of color zoom and twirl with the noise speckles. So, I focused on it. I focused on the darkness under my eyes.... And in the very middle of my focus, very far away, and so tiny... A tiny white light faded in, and then out. I focused it again; I could only hold focus for half a second... But this tiny circle of an area had white light softly pulsing.... and shapes flowing through it, but these shapes were only visible in that light, like shadows on a bright light hitting a wall, but instead inversed. They didn't fit into the area.... but the way they flowed and form and moved and spinned... it was exactly like watching the soap patterns on a bubble.
I couldn't fall asleep the rest of the night. All I could see was the noise and the colors and the light and the shapes.... I cried a bit, because I don't know how much of it is me being crazy, or if any of it is even significant. It's been my little obsession for over 10 years.